Funny comments for friends

Funny comments for friends They say that Napoleon was very good at telling jokes and that Julius Caesar made all the Romans laugh with his jokes …

Well, okay, we just made it up, but many famous people said witty phrases that have been recorded in their time. Here a selection.

    Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.

    -Mark Twain.

    Nobody needs a vacation more than the one who just had it.

    -Elbert Hubbard.

funny jokes quotes

 

    A vegetarian is a person who will not eat anything that can have children.

    -David Brenner.

    I do not believe in life after death, although I will take a change of underwear.

    -Woody Allen.

    I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. He didn’t want to interrupt her.

    -Rodney Dangerfield.

Funny comments for friends

    I am so smart that sometimes I do not understand a single word of what I am saying.

    -Oscar Wilde.

-Oscar Wilde.

    Laugh and the world will laugh with you, snore and you will sleep alone.

    -Anthony Burgess.

turning 18 quotes funny

    If it weren’t for the electricity, we would all be watching television by candlelight.

    -George Gobal.

    A celebrity is a person who works all his life to be known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

    -Fred Allen.

    La gente que piensa que saben todo son una gran molestia para la que si lo sabemos todo.

    -Isaac Asimov.

    He used to sell furniture to live. The problem is, they were mine.

    -The Dawsons.

funny quotes about life and love

    I can’t understand why a person would spend a year writing a novel when they can easily buy one for a few dollars.

    -Fred Allen.

    I always wanted to be someone, but now I realize that I should have been more specific.

    -Lily Tomlin.

    It’s always fun until someone gets hurt. So it’s a lot of fun.

    -Bill Hicks.

    A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking.

    -Arthur McBride Bloch.

    A day without sun is, you know, the night.

    -Steve Martin.

funny crazy quotes

    If you’re going to do something tonight that you feel regretful about tomorrow morning, stay up late.

    -Henny Youngman.

    If I called the wrong number, why did you answer?

    -James Thurber.

    My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I asked for a second opinion. He told me it was ugly too.

    -Rodney Dangerfield.

    Get facts first, then you can distort them to your liking.

    -Mark Twain.

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